You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
