brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
