i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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