..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
