dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
