I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
