i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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