i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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