i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
