Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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