I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
