More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
