Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
