Betty ford says i'm here all night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
