Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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