I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
