Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
