I accidentally burped into my bong.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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