My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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