Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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