if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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