You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
