I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
