Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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