there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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