I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
