Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
