yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
