Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
