she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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