I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
