Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
