Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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