someone get that fucking seahorse.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
