In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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