I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
