Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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