And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
