She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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