My sheets look like a crime scene.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
