I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.