the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend