onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
