he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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