I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
