I think I am morally bankrupt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize