ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
