oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
