In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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