Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
