i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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