Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would fuck him just for his dog
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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