yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
