FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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