it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
