i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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