would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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