if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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