I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
