i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Text me some of your sweat
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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