people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
