Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
