someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize