What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
