Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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