Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
