When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
did i walk over a car last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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