I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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