i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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