My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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