I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we should paint friendship bongs
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