i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
