Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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