So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize