Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
