Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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