I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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