there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
