Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You took a bar mat shot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
